Our beautiful little boy is three and half months old now. It is amazing how much you learn with each child. Some of this stuff I wish I knew when I had my first and second children, so I thought I would share some coping strategies for life with a new baby.
(1). Enjoy your baby.
I have deliberately put this tip first. The heading of the post can sound like babies are all hard work, but this is definitely not the case. It is hard work, but work which reaps amazing results. Don’t take it so seriously, that you don’t enjoy your beautiful baby.
Remember, the house will eventually become tidy, the baby will eventually sleep and eventually you will not be in a sleep deprived fog. The baby however will grow up quickly and that precious time cannot be made up.
(2). Trust your instincts.
As parents you know your baby, trust this knowledge and try what you think will work for your baby. Be confident in your ability as a parent. (This is especially true as the baby grows into a toddler – children can smell doubt or fear!)
(3). Filter the advice from others.
Everybody has advice for new parents. I have always listened to advice of other parents, if they have been there before they may have answers for you. I do however filter out advice that does not fit my parenting style.
Naturally I didn’t have a parenting style to start out with, but if I tried something and it didn’t feel right, made me anxious or worried, I wouldn’t do it. You must feel comfortable and confident with how you parent your baby.
(4). What Sleeping Problem?
Someone once gave me this piece of advice on babies and sleeping:
It is only a sleeping problem if you are unhappy with the sleeping situation.
When deprived of sleep it is so easy to become slightly obsessed about how much your baby is sleeping (speaking from personal experience!). Lots of people have views on where baby should sleep, how long baby should sleep and when baby should start sleeping through the night. In reality I don’t believe that there is any one “right” way to approach baby’s sleep. Don’t worry what other people think, if you are happy with how you and baby are sleeping, don’t feel pressured to change.
(5). Communicate with your partner.
Don’t assume that your partner knows what you are feeling or what your day is like. Especially if you are the mum and are at home full time, don’t keep your feelings to yourself. I have found that doing this then means a rather big eruption of feelings, when there are too many to hold in!
(6). Prepare In Advance.
As you may have noted from this blog, I love a bit of planning. However, my planning obsession really only came to its full light once I had children. Doing things in advance when you get the time, means that if everything starts to fall apart later on in the day, then you won’t feel so stressed.
Cooking the evening meal in the morning is a great example of that. Late afternoon, early evening can be a challenging time with a new baby, so if you don’t have to worry about cooking then, you can just spend time tending to the baby’s needs.
(7). Take Nana Naps.
I love an afternoon nap. Even now, a couple of times a week I will lie down for an afternoon nap when our baby and three year old are having their afternoon sleeps. It means that by the time the 5.00pm rush hits, I am not so tired and I have greater patience with the children.
(8). Readjust your standards.
Once upon a time, when I would clean my house, I would do it in one session. I could then sit back and reflect on how clean and tidy everything was. With a new baby (and 4 other children) I simply do not have the blocks of spare time to do this. I have adjusted my standards and accept that it takes me a number of days to go through the house and have all the cleaning done.
Depending on how much your baby sleeps and how you have recovered from the birth, you may need to adjust your standards on things like ironing, cleaning, fancy meals etc.
(9). Get outside of the house.
Exercise and fresh air are great for you and the baby. Simply going for a short walk each day, can do wonders for your mood. It can also be quite isolating being home full time with a new baby. Join a mother’s group or find a regular social outlet that you can participate in, so you can have adult stimulation.
(10). Acknowledge your work.
When you have a little baby, it is important that you acknowledge all the things that you have managed to achieve in a day. Don’t focus on what didn’t get done. Kathy at Zucchini in Bikinis wrote a great post on this issue called Achievement.
At the moment with our little baby if I manage to get the children to school with a healthy lunch and on time, cook a decent meal, complete the after school activities and do a load of washing, it is a great day.
I have to remind myself not to worry about the pile of ironing waiting for me, dusting which needs to be done, oven which needs to be cleaned, toy cupboard which needs reorganising etc etc! Having a new baby is a time in our life when completing the essential tasks is a great achievement.
What coping strategies would you offer a new parent?
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
If you’re interested in discovering your parenting style based on the latest research, please check out the Parenting Style Application by Signal Patterns on Parenting.com.
The underlying model developed by our team of psychologists reveals an underlying complexity far richer than just ’strict’ or ‘relaxed’ classifications.
And what’s particularly interesting is that you can take the test for a spouse and see where potential conflicts might lie and get advice on how to deal w/them. You can also compare results to your friends’.
These are great tips Nicole and I agree with every one of them. The only one I’d add is Ask for Help / Don’t be Too Proud to Take Help. Too many people make their new parenting experience so much more stressful than it need be by trying to be superwomen and cope alone. It’s not natural – humans have always raised infants in groups – and it’s so difficult if you have no network of support, community and communication.
Kathys last blog post..Sleep deprivation
A great list of tips. I agree that asking/taking help is also important. What helps me (covering probably a few of your tips) is to remember that babies change so fast, so today’s problem will be forgotten in a month.
Catherines last blog post..share a story: The House with a Star inside
David – Thanks for sharing the info.
Kathy – Can’t believe I didn’t include that one. So important to accept and ask for help.
Catherine – I often say to myself – “this too will pass”!
I am having difficulty coming up with additions to this very complete set of tips! I wish I had them for each of my newborns.
I guess the only thing I could add (and at 4, I’d like *your* comment on) is how surprised I was that I felt like I had forgotten *everything* with each new baby (I’ve had 3). The only thing that I noticed really stuck (and grew) with each was confidence in my instincts.
But “Talk to your Partner”? “Adjust Your Standards”? Brilliantly simple. The key to coping with a newborn is certainly primarily in your own attitude.
harmzies last blog post..A Lot of Wining, a Little Dining
Harmzie – Yes it is amazing how much you can forget in couple of years! I have found that there is strategies you learnt previously that you forget, but eventually it kicks back in. A bit like a fright you get when you land in deep water, but then eventually remember you can swim
.
Love the point about attitude. It is like every aspect of life, if you think negatively then it can be hard to see the joy.
PlanningQueens last blog post..10 Tips For Coping With A New Baby
Oh, number 8, number 8. I didn’t learn this one with baby #1, and I’m still getting my head around it with #2! The one I’d add is to prioritize yourself – even just for a few minutes each day. You don’t stop being you just because you become a mother. As mums we often put ourselves last, but we do a much better job when we make space for just a little me-time.
SquiggleMums last blog post..Real Aussie Mum – May
Great article! All 10 points are totally true. I especially agree and advocate – enjoying your baby, filter advice for others, preparing in advance and getting outside the house. I am especially enjoying my newborn at the moment as I have learnt each stage lasts for such a small of time, I am constantly filtering advice and have a laugh when a new Mum gives me advice on what’s ahead for me in the next stage (they are usually blissfully unaware I have 6 chidlren), I have become way more efficient the more children I have, I always feel much better after I have been out and about for the day than when I get bogged down in the housework. Great topic. Thanks for sharing!
familyvalues last blog post..A mini-celebrity and back into the netball!
Great list! Thanks. My first piece of advice when anyone asks what I learnt from my first born is that the moment you are in will not last forever. I was guilty of this. If my baby had an unsettled day I would get so upset and think that was how he was going to be every day. Do not get stuck and think this is how it will be for eternity because tomorrow they will change and the day after that they will change a little more and so on. Live the moment and be grateful for each day but when it gets tough be grateful there is a new day just around the corner.
Sandra @ mum spaces last blog post..Hungry for more…