Why do my children do that?

Image by Chidorian

In the latest Response-Able Parent Newsletter from Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman they look at some questions that all parents ask at some point:

“Why don’t my children listen to me?”
“Why doesn’t he behave?”
“What’s the matter with her?”
“Why does she keep doing that?”

The newsletter challenges parents to perhaps not look for an answer to these questions, but change the question that we are asking.

This strategy I think would defuse a lot of situations. Often I can become so focused on the child that I ignore other circumstances and factors. Check out the newsletter for the full article, but here are some suggested questions that may help you change your perspective on the situation:

“How can I see this differently?”

“Do I desire to change them or to change me?”

“What is the opportunity here?”

“Am I looking for what is right or for what is wrong?”

“Do I see innocence or guilt?”

“Am I focused on someone else’s lesson here or on my own?”

“Is my forthcoming move going to be controlling or will it be releasing?”

“Am I focused on listening or on telling?”

“What am I not forgiving here?”

How do you try and regain some perspective in trying situations with the kids?