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This post is part of a series where I answer questions from my readers. If you have a question that you would like me to answer, please feel free to leave it in the comments below. Other posts answering reader questions can be found by clicking here: Reader Questions.
Megan asked via email:
Do you leave your children home by themselves and if so, what age did you start doing this?
Before I answer this question and let you know what I do, I feel the need to state that leaving children home on their own is a very personal decision and there are many factors that come into when might be the right time to do it for your family. The area in which you live, the personalities of your children and your own emotions will all play a part in this decision and in this post I am simply sharing what we are currently doing.
Leaving Kids Home Alone – My Perspective
Late last year I started letting my eldest son (11 years old) stay home when I took the other children to an after school activity or if I was running errands locally. I probably could have done this a lot earlier in reality. By November he had been walking home from school by himself for a year and had caught a train into the city by himself. He was on his own out in the big wide world, so it didn’t make sense to for me to say that “I can’t leave you alone” when we went out.
My eldest son loved being left on his own and you could see he enjoyed the fact that I trusted him and felt comfortable doing so. He knows my mobile number of by heart and his dad’s mobile is written down for him to easily access if he needed it. He has never needed it. Before I left him for the first time we went over a few things like:
- Mobile phone numbers and seeking out the neighbours if there was any problems. He was already aware of 000 and what it is used for.
- The same rules apply to him, when I am not in the house! No TV, no raiding my not so secret chocolate stash etc.
- Double checked that he was comfortable with being left on his own.
- He knew how to lock and unlock the front and back doors.
Then a couple of weeks into the start of the new school year of 2010, my nine year old, was literally begging me to let him stay home when we ran his sister to dance classes. His reason for this was pretty compelling – he wanted to do homework. He has a small amount of homework that he needs to do every day and (being completely opposite to his older brother!) as soon as he has had afternoon tea, he set about doing it.
I spent a week thinking about it and could honestly not find any reason for him not to stay home. He is responsible, I am away for only a short time, which he uses to do his homework. My only concern was “What if they fight?”, but to date we haven’t had any episodes of that – well not that I know of at least 
. So now I will leave my 11 and 9 year old home alone, but for my personal comfort level at the moment, I only do it if I will be away less than an hour and I am only a short drive from home.
Leaving Kids Home Alone – The Legal Perspective
It was difficult to find information on what the legal age for leaving kids at home is in my home state of Victoria. In my internet searches, this was the most useful information that I could find and it came from The Age.
While the laws do not specify an exact age, there are provisions laid out in the Children and Young Persons Act 1989.
“It is an offence to leave a child without reasonable provision for their supervision and care,” said Ros Porter, co-ordinator of the youth legal service of Victoria Legal Aid. “The context has to be considered, including the age and maturity of the child,” she said. “Typically, parents get into trouble when they leave a young child unattended in a car.”
I feel that I do take reasonable provisions, so am not expecting the cops to be knocking at my door any time soon!
What about you? Have you left your children at home on their own and if so how old were they when you first did it?
{ 9 comments }
My son is far too young to even think of it yet, but my mum started leaving my sister and I home alone for brief periods of time when I was eight years old. We lived in a fairly small community at the time, where all the neighbours knew each other (this was 1990), so she’d quickly go to the shops or whatever. I think sometimes she also told our nextdoor neighbour if it was likely to be anymore than an hour. Plus we had a couple of dogs.
We started ‘babysitting’ ourselves before and after school when I was 11 – my folks left for work half an hour before we left for school, and we’d be on our own from about 4pm til 5pm (after walking home from school). We never had any dramas, never skipped school even though we probably could have gotten away with it in the short term!
Jasmine´s last [type] ..Photos from Spain
I started babysitting my siblings at a similar age, but like you we did have close and very well known neighbours. I do think the local community issue is a big one.
Tricky tricky one. As you say everyone needs to take so much into account. I now leave my 9 and 11 year old at home at least once a week while I dash to the little supermarket on the next block. Knowing the dog is here is reassuring but probably unnecessary. I found it interesting that you didn’t mention instructions on not opening the door or answering the phone? I think both my kids would cope well now with me being absent for longer periods and would in fact thrive on it! I know they are reaching an age where I am going to have to grit my teeth and let them grow!
The instructions on answering the door and phone – oversight from a blogger who had a bad head cold! As we have number identification on the phone, I have advised them to check if it is me or their dad, if not let it go. I have also told them not to answer the door.
oops I also wanted to say that I am very careful to say they both need to help each other and not make the younger one the responsibility of the older one. I think we need to be aware of not making our eldest old before their time? Any thoughts?
I still do place some emphasis on the older child, but reinforce my expectations of both of them. My reason for doing this is so that the “pecking order” so to speak is clear and that they don’t have to have an authority battle while there isn’t an adult present.
For the short times that this occurs in our house, I don’t think that this responsibility is too onerous.
Great question and great answer!
We are contemplating these questions ‘when are they old enough to..?’
And it is so very personal.. while I am more than ok with dropping my girls off at the school crossing and letting them walk across the road (there is a lollypop lady always there to help them cross) and into school on their own in the mornings, I know other mums of preps and other prep kids who are not ready for this. So it really depends…
At the moment our burning question is ‘when are they old enough to cook dinner on their own?’….
it is great as they get older and can contribute meaningfully to the house by cooking dinner!
With the changes in my training and work schedule of late, my guys have begun walking home from school a couple of days a week. They are 6 and 8 and love the ability to be ‘big kids’. It is a 15 minute walk (at a dawdling kid speed) that is predominantly along a bike/walking path. They will usually play in the school park for a few minutes after school then walk home together, often with other (older) neighbourhood kids or families who live in the same area. Once they are inside they lock the door, call in and make themselves a snack. We are lucky that we live in a village-like neighbourhood full of families and kids, everyone knows everyone and keeps an eye out for each other. They know the house rules and are amazing. Now that my workload has temporarily reduced they are still begging to walk home from school together.
I am hoping that by giving my kids freedom now to make choices they will learn how to make good decisions before their peers have too much influence on their behaviour.
del´s last [type] ..Day 8 – Ua-Ule Creek to Ower’s Corner- over Imita Ridge
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