Image by Anthrovik
On a post I wrote in March on Encouraging Children To Dress Independently a reader asked for suggestions on how to handle a 3 year old who can dress themselves but is not interested in doing so.
It seems like the mother has tried a number of things yet her son is still more interested in playing with his toys than getting himself dressed.
I have been thinking about this scenario and thought it would be great to gather some collective wisdom on this subject. As a parent I don’t have all the answers, but something that I do know is that there is always more than one solution and what works for one family, doesn’t always work for another.
I will start things off by noting a couple suggestions and would love it if you would add yours in the comments. Underneath the comments box, you will notice a tick box, that you can click on and subscribe to the comments of this post. Once you tick this it will then send you an email when others add their suggestions, so you won’t have to remember to check back in to see what others have thought of.
Suggestions For Getting Children To Dress Themselves
- Time Lines – often it is to our time table that we want children to run to. By allowing some choice within that children can feel that they have some control over their activities. For my nearly three year old, he knows that between the completion of breakfast and once the bigger children are getting dressed, he needs to get dressed so we can walk to school. This is the same each week day so he know what is expected of him.
- Bring Him In Close – I wrote more about the strategy of bringing the child in close on my post on discipline. If my three year old will not stop playing with his toys and get himself dressed or allow me to dress him, I will bring him in close and sit him on my knee. I will talk to him calmly, explaining that even though he does not want to get dressed, he needs to so we can move on with our day. We will wait together until he regains composure and gets dressed.
What is your “mother’s advice” for getting children to dress themselves?
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi PQ, long time lurker, first time commenting.
A couple of suggestions which could both be used together. You haven’t said whether the Mum is getting the clothes out or the child. 3 yr olds need to stretch their independence muscle so need some control over things, or at least feel like they have some. One good way to do this is to get out 2 outfits appropriate for the day and let them choose one. This removes the feeling that they are being “dictated” to if Mum decides what they have to wear but also removes the overwhelming feeling of choosing one outfit out of many.
Another thing is a star chart or variation of. If the child is dressed within say 10 mins then they get a star on the chart. Once they get say 10 stars they get a reward or a lucky dip with something little. At least their efforts are being acknowledged positively.
Thanks for de-lurking Gemisht and adding your knowledge to this situation. I really like the idea of choosing two outfits, to allow them some choice but not being overwhelmed by too much choice.
I should add that I have learned the hard way not to obsess over the kids dressing themselves. The more I worry and fuss, the more they won’t co-operate. I have taken my kids out in their undies before when they won’t get dressed
!
I had the same problem with Wren, who is now 8.
I tried rewards, threats, offering a choice, anything I could think of.
Most things worked for a while but in the long run it’s always been a bit of a struggle to get her to do *anything* for herself.
The Bump (5) is quite different, luckily, and has dressed himself for years, although not always suitably (I have to hide winter clothes in summer & sandals in winter).
The upshot is this: now that the Bump is at school, and Wren sees him doing things for himself that she hasn’t, it’s as if she’s decided to stop fighting it so much.
Seems like a little competition goes a long way, or sometimes time is the only solution…
Jane Blogss last blog post..How to treat Chicken Pox
We have had moments of difficulty with this too, although less of late.
With my schoolchild, I keep all her uniform items in one drawer – the one she can most easily access – and after she’s finished breakfast, we have a routine – I check the weather forecast on the newspaper website, tell her what the day’s going to be like, then I prompt her (usually only once) to go find her clothes for the day and get dressed.
She needs help getting her collar out of her jumper and buckling her shoes, but other than that, she can and usually does manage to fully dress herself quite quickly. If she is having a grizzly / clingy morning where she wants me to do it all for her (and we get those!) we work on compromises – for instance, “Mummy will turn your socks the right way around for you, but then you need to put them on” or “If you pull your polo top on, Mummy will do up the buttons”. Even if it takes longer and is painful and involves much persuasion and encouragement, I refuse to fully dress her. I think it sets a bad precedent, undermines her independence, and pragmatically, I can’t manage the morning run unless she helps herself.
My almost-4-year-old, who is the epitome of independence, dresses herself every day usually before I prompt. She has some interesting colour combinations at times but mostly I roll with what she picks.
Kathys last blog post..Talk therapy
Jane and Kathy – I have had similar scenario in my house. One child very independent and needs little encouraging to get dressed and another who needed considerable encouragement. A lot of it must be just personality based I think.
I would love to get out two choices for each child but I fear the fights.It is a great
idea.
At the moment we have kind of shared clothes for the twins …with some things uniquely Sam & Joel’s but I still have to referee hot items. I get the clothes out ready on the bed usually for this reason. I do let whoever is in the room first chose.
I agree with the competition thing by Jane. My boys are very competitive already so I’ll use this to my advantage.
Touch wood they get dressed when asked and I just supervise, straighten the pants do the buttons, start the Zips etc. now.
We have taught them from little – tag goes to back and they check it, picture to front (mostly LOL).
Nicole I took my eldest in his pjs more than once …he didn’t care till he got older & wiser.
Trishs last blog post..Have you heard this ?
My daughter would stay in her pyjamas all day every day if it was up to her! We have just started to build “getting dressed” into a chore sheet where they get some money at the end of the week if they are successful in their “jobs”. My kids are really getting into the idea of having money and saving and spending so it’s working a treat so far.
Sandras last blog post..If money were no object…
Trish – So important to give the little ones tips on how to put the clothes on the right way. My older children are embarrassed if their younger brother goes out in his undies. I think it will be a little while before it actually bothers him yet though!
Sandra – Thanks for adding to the conversation. It is great to hear what is working for other families.