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In the latest Response-Able Parent Newsletter from Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman they look at some questions that all parents ask at some point:
“Why don’t my children listen to me?”
“Why doesn’t he behave?”
“What’s the matter with her?”
“Why does she keep doing that?”
The newsletter challenges parents to perhaps not look for an answer to these questions, but change the question that we are asking.
This strategy I think would defuse a lot of situations. Often I can become so focused on the child that I ignore other circumstances and factors. Check out the newsletter for the full article, but here are some suggested questions that may help you change your perspective on the situation:
“How can I see this differently?”
“Do I desire to change them or to change me?”
“What is the opportunity here?”
“Am I looking for what is right or for what is wrong?”
“Do I see innocence or guilt?”
“Am I focused on someone else’s lesson here or on my own?”
“Is my forthcoming move going to be controlling or will it be releasing?”
“Am I focused on listening or on telling?”
“What am I not forgiving here?”
How do you try and regain some perspective in trying situations with the kids?
3 comments...read them below or add one
Lol.. I thought this was going to be about the “Why?” questions kids ask! LOVE the turn around.
Quite often, when one (or all) of the girls are on a rampage of small person destruction I ask myself what I would do if I were another parent and these weren’t my children… This is usually followed by me cracking up laughing, because really, kids are pretty hilarious!
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Alison – I do think it is a great idea to take a step back and look at the behaviour from a different angle. Stopping yourself from reacting immediately can really stop situations from escalating.
I am facing new challenges with my big boy who’s started “big school” this year. It’s a huge behaviour shift for him, but in the same sense I am trying to figure out how we deal with it in a way that helps both of us grow… something that can be difficult as a parent!!!
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