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Babaganouski is two and a half and this is a time of a child’s life when they can become a LITTLE difficult! A fantastic Maternal and Child Health Nurse I had for my first two children used to speak about periods of equilibrium and disequilibrium in children.
Louise Bates Ames also discusses this theory of child development in her book Your Two-Year-Old: Terrible or Tender. Disequilibrium is the half year period before a child’s birthday, (in this instance from 2 1/2 until 3 years old) where children are confused, emotional, temperamental and may have difficulty completing tasks that they previously have easily accomplished. They then move into phases of equilibrium where they seem to have “got it all together”.
I think knowing this information makes the periods of disequilibrium easier to cope with – you know that there is an end in sight! Two and a half years old is the peak age of disequilibrium. I have noted from a handout I received from my Maternal and Child Health Nurse some of the outstanding characteristics of two and half years. This list should bring a smile to the face of any parent who has a child this age, as they can take some comfort knowing that this behavior is age appropriate.
Characteristics of a two and a half year olds behavior.
- 2 1/2 year olds are rigid and inflexible. They want exactly what they want, when they want it. They cannot adapt, give in, wait a little while. Everything has to be done just so. Everything has to be right in the place they consider proper. For any domestic routine, they set up a rigid sequence of events which must always follow each other always in exactly the same manner.
- They are extremely domineering and demanding. They must give orders. They must make the decisions. If they decide, “mummy do”, daddy cannot be accepted as substitute. If they decide, “Me do it myself”, then no one is allowed to help them, no matter how awkward or incapable they themselves may be.
- 2 1/2 is an age of violent emotions. There is little modulation to the emotional life of children this age.
- It is an age of opposite extremes. With no ability to choose between alternatives (it is almost impossible for 2 1/2’s to make a clear cut choice and stick to it). Children of this age shuttle back and forth endlessly between two extremes, seeming to be trying to include both in their decision. “I will – I won’t”, “I want – I don’t want it”, “Go out – stay in”. If someone doesn’t cut into this back and forth shuttling, it has been known to go on for upwards of an hour or more. The decision of what clothes to wear may ursurp a whole morning for a conflict-ridden 2 1/1 year old.
- Another characteristic of this is age is preservation – that is, the children want to go on and on with whatever they are doing. Not only right at the moment but from day to day. If you read four stories before bedtime yesterday, they want four stories – and the same ones, too – today. It is very difficult with many children this age to introduce new clothes, new pieces of furniture, new things to eat. They want things to go on just the way they have always been or at least hold on to the old as new things are added.
So how do you then manage the behavior of the two and a half year old? The hand out had this sound advice:
Managing a two and a half year olds behavior.
- Working around the behaviour characteristics of two and a half is often much more successful than trying to meet them head on. (For us with Babaganouski, I know that he will always want me to read his lunch time story before his nap. He often doesn’t want to stop playing though to go to bed. On weekends, I give him the choice of coming to have the story with me now, or in 10 minutes and dad will read the story. He always stops playing and comes with me!)
- Streamline all routines, limit choices and avoid situations where the child takes over.
- Great patience, a real understanding of the difficulties of the age, and a willingness to use endless techniques to get around rigidities and rituals and stubbornness will help get through through the time till the difficult 2 1/2 year old turns 3.
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seriously enjoyed this article. We ust move across country and my 2 and a half year old is suddenly another person and very much what you described above.Thank you.
I think you have been watching my daughter with this post! I now have some great tips on how to deal with her. Thank you so much.
We have one grandchild, a boy, and he is becoming more of a challenge. Thank you for the description you gave as it is what we are experiencing. Makes me understand it is probably a stage and we’ll get through it and he’ll get through it. Thank you.
I’m really thankful for this article , it has me made me realize that my daughter is actually a normal 2 1/2, I had a terrible weekend when last Friday her teacher and aid were telling me about her behavior they made me feel like I have a terrible child, they were saying that she is hitting and pushing of course not all the time and then about her wanting things her way. She is in a larger class now and also she doesnt comunicate perfectly well yet so I’m thinking it could be that she cannot express herself and that’s the only way she knows how to express things or actions quiclky now at this age. Also I’d like to say that at home she is adorable, has her moments but she is not a bad kid, at church she plays nice and get alone with the other ones, she is not an agressive child, she should’ve be the same way everywhere, don’t you guys think? Thank you and if anyone would like to make a comment please do so.
Thanks for offering the information so that it can help one of my best friend who has a 2 and 7 months year old boy . She is bothered by his desired misbehaviors such as playing with food after finishing eating it and crushing the toys at the same time while relaxing etc . The more experiences from above parents or educators , the better we can understand the world of child , such a loverly and innocent place . Thanks again!
Today my friend Lily just told me what happened to her boy that comes to a question for anyone who can advice . She punished him by locking him into the bathroom at 6 pm, afterwards , he didnot want to talk to her for hours and left for old aunt’s house till 10:30pm , then back to home . Lily was nothing but confused and did not how to deal with his breaking his toys again next time . Is there possible to avoid this or how can she talk to her son ?? Any idea or advide would be apprecatied …
Veronica – I am not a counsellor of any description, so if your friend has concerns regarding her son’s aggressive behaviour I would recommend that she seeks some professional help.
My personal opinion is that locking a child in any room is detrimental and will only make the situation worse. Children need love and attention even when they make mistakes.
I’m sitting here in tears… I feel so alone and uncertain of everything. My son was such a sweet boy and then it’s seems like overnight he became this little boy I don’t know. He hits, he throws things, he refuses to do things, he ignores me and just about every task we need to do from getting dressed to going to bed (morning to night) is a game/challenge. Being a first time parent I don’t know if this is normal behavior for a 2 1/2 year old. Parents don’t seem to talk about the challenging times so I’m led to believe that my son is a “bad” boy or questioning if these are signs of something more?
From reading this post I think maybe my son is behaving as any other child his age behaves, but I certainly never see this behavior in other children when at a gathering of some sort. Even after reading the post I still feel defeated in some way. Like no matter what I do, it isn’t going to help him or me.
With that said, I’m still trying… I bought a calendar and stickers today to hopefully help with the bed time routine. Every time he goes to bed without a two hour struggle he gets a sticker and if he fills the week up with stickers we will have a celebration of some sort for him. Does that seem reasonable or am I setting our family and our son up for failure?